McCain obviously didn't count on the strength of the polar bear lover demographic

I still haven't quite decided whether I'm going to use this as a place for political commentary or just an outlet to tell Matthew stories, so I'll start with both. 

When I was a kid I slept with a stuffed Polar Bear. I'm using the very liberal definition of "kid:" anyone who hasn't started the 11th grade yet. 

He was my favorite stuffed animal because he was not just a bear, but a polar bear. Polar bears love to swim. I love to swim. Polar bears are white. I am white.  (I would later learn that polar bears are actually black. Apparently their fur is hollow and clear, which refracts the light or something. Either way, I was less racist by the time I learned that so it was all good.)

I brilliantly named him Teddy. If you're questioning my brilliance, you should know that when someone gave me a miniature version of him, I named him Franklin. So they were Franklin and Teddy Rowesevelt. Apparently at 9 years old I was already into politics and puns. 

As an actual kid, I carried him everywhere and worried he'd be lonely when I wasn't around. Eventually though, I realized that he wasn't real (OK it hurt a little typing that), but I didn't know what to do with my left arm while sleeping if it wasn't wrapped around him. (I think I just made a decision to find a husband named Teddy so I don't get in trouble for accidentally referring to him as Teddy in my sleep. I hope that Teddy the Husband is as soft as Teddy the Polar Bear.) 

Between 10th and 11th grade, I went on a 50 day cross country trip, and eventually figured out what to do with my left hand while sleeping, so I started a seven year streak of sleeping alone, with rare exception (Hey Lauren! Do you like our blog?) At Fordham though, I went to the Bronx Zoo, conveniently across the street, about a dozen times. I was dead sober for at least 10 of those visits. The first habitat you run into is the Polar Bears. Let me tell you. They are awesome. 

It is thus disgusting to me that John McCain would chose a running mate with such a  strong anti-Polar Bear stance. Say what you want about what the choice means about women voters, or how it undercuts Sen. McCain's message of experience, he's completely lost the Pro-Polar Bear vote. Sarah Palin fought to keep Polar Bears off of the endangered species list because she favors drilling in Alaska. Thankfully, she lost. Teddy and Franklin testified. Don't mess with the Rowesevelts. 

In all seriousness, Palin's one area of expertise is supposed to be Energy. Note: The Energy Crisis and the Climate Crisis are two different things. Palin is a big advocate of ending our dependence on foreign oil by using our own country's oil reserves. Gov. Palin, you see, remains "unconvinced" of pollution's role in Global Warming. I'm sure some of our loyal readers are also unconvinced, but isn't it better to err on the side of caution?

I'm sure its completely coincidental that by allowing more oil production in Alaska, it would further inflate her state's budget surplus. You see, Palin was able to create an enormous surplus by instating an Obamaesque windfall profits tax on oil companies.  

This all scares me because of how well she seems to be able to make herself sound like a Maveric, while actually holding extremely conservative values. She's an "energy expert." She just doesn't believe in Global Warming. She supports gay rights because, in spite of her faith, she believes her job is to uphold the Alaska constitution, which currently implies equal rights for gays. If anyone wants to AMEND that constitution to limit gay rights though, she'd be happy to sign. Now you're messing with Teddy the Polar Bear AND Teddy the Husband.